“Grief”

19 12, 2018

It’s OK to be Sad at Christmas

By | 2018-12-18T22:05:51-08:00 December 19th, 2018|Grief and Healing, Seasons of Life|4 Comments

If you are sad this Christmas, it is ok. We tend to feel that the holidays aren't a time for sadness. That we should magically "feel better" or at least pretend to be doing fine. And while around some people it may be easier or best to pretend, it is important that with ourselves and our trusted friends, we be honest. Share your sorrow with someone who also shares it. If a friend or family member has died this year, others are also missing them. Reach out, be a connection and remind them - affirm for yourself - no one [...]

19 11, 2018

Grieving Through the Holidays

By | 2018-11-16T15:55:20-08:00 November 19th, 2018|General, Grief and Healing|3 Comments

Grieving Through the Holidays For so many families the holidays hold the promise of togetherness, familiarity, tradition and comfort. But for the grieving, every one of these words is shattered and opposed by new words like, apart, strange, broken and grieved. So what does this "grieving through the holidays" look like? Feel like? What are your expectations? Fears? Anxieties? Considering in advance what these holidays might be like for you can be one of the greatest helps to getting yourself through these days that feel emptied out of their usual joy.   Here are some things to consider in preparation: [...]

14 06, 2018

Missing Your Dad on Father’s Day

By | 2018-06-13T23:38:45-08:00 June 14th, 2018|Grief and Healing, Inspiration, Parental Loss|0 Comments

Living intentionally with people is paramount to living well. I also believe intentionality is essential to grieving well. Father's Day hits a tender spot. Every year as I write posts about mothers and fathers I'm struck by the feeling of each day. Mother's Day feels pink and rosy, the prime of spring, and there's a fresh sweetness to it that just fits with the idea of celebrating our moms. Father's Day is at the cusp of glorious, adventure-filled summer and there's a nostalgia that comes with that of our days playing in the yard, family vacations and ice cold drinks. [...]

19 05, 2016

Forget About Closure: A New Way to Look at Grief

By | 2016-05-19T07:31:55-08:00 May 19th, 2016|News, Perspective, Self-Help|0 Comments

  The word “closure” is a tricky and usually misused word. Taken from it's Latin root "clausura," literally meaning "to close," the word is often used to signify what we expect or hope people are feeling at the end of a funeral - but in my experience, very little is truly closed for the family, except the lid of the casket. The most common places I hear the word "closure" pop-up are: Funeral ceremonies are often designated as closure-bringing events, when the truth is, most of these ceremonies follow just days after the death. Great losses like these ought not to be thought [...]

24 03, 2016

Death Died a Long Time Ago

By | 2016-03-24T12:00:36-08:00 March 24th, 2016|Inspiration, News, Seasons of Life|3 Comments

As Easter approaches and Spring continues to bloom all over our beautiful county, my heart and eyes behold the hope of this season; the hope of life. A favorite song of mine growing up had the line "Death died a long time ago" - it's meaning is rooted in the Christian faith but I think the words ring true for all of us who have hope beyond this world of seeing our loved ones again. From the song's perspective, death is a temporary divide. In the Easter story, the true grim finality of death is erased when Jesus is raised from the dead. With [...]

3 02, 2016

How Long Does Grief Last? The Surprising Answer

By | 2016-02-03T07:00:16-08:00 February 3rd, 2016|News, Perspective, Self-Help|2 Comments

We all want to know how long something terrible is going to last, knowing gives us a sense of control over the unknown and comforts us with the confident knowledge of an end. But grief is very different. We know that a trip to the DMV or a root canal at the dentist will end, but grief, grief exists because of an end ... an end we never, ever wanted to know about. Ever since I heard Dr. Bill Hoy, a few years ago, talk about the portrayal of bereavement on television I've started paying attention to how long it is [...]

2 12, 2015

Grief During the Holidays: 5 Ways for Adults and Children to Remember

By | 2015-12-02T07:47:29-08:00 December 2nd, 2015|Inspiration, News, Seasons of Life|3 Comments

Each year as we prepare for and pass by our Candlelight Service of Remembrance I am confronted with the multitudes of losses experienced in our community in just 1 year. I think of these families and wonder how their holidays are going. I'm sure they didn't expect to be in grief during the holidays this year, nor do they yet know how that grief can change everything. Yes, Halloween & Thanksgiving have been survived so there may be some sense of, "I can do this" even though they may not want to. But, now Christmas is coming ... But Christmas is on [...]

21 10, 2015

A Crash Course in Listening: 3 Do’s and Don’ts

By | 2015-10-21T22:42:25-08:00 October 21st, 2015|Community, Inspiration, News, Self-Help|1 Comment

  One of the biggest concerns people have when they encounter a bereaved individual isn't (strangely enough) how the bereaved person is doing, but "what do I say to them?" The secret to "what to say" is simple in theory, but ironic in reality because honestly, "saying something" isn't the key. We feel a lot of pressure to say something but the best thing you can do is to listen with compassion. When you feel the pressure to open your mouth, start with a simple but sincere question, "How are you holding up?" and then ... listen. Listening is THE KEY when it comes to talking to someone who [...]

25 06, 2015

After They Die: Sorting Through Their “Stuff”

By | 2015-06-25T00:00:30-08:00 June 25th, 2015|News, Seasons of Life, Self-Help|3 Comments

  Getting rid of someone’s stuff after they die is tough. It is an admission. For some people, it is the ultimate act of reconciling the permanence of a loss. A lot of “stuff” – baseball cards, the shirt from the family portrait, a picture they painted or a lucky sock – it all gets left behind when someone dies. For many people the thought of “getting rid” of these items they touched, wore and loved is nauseating, inconceivable. When there is a loss of life there is a creation of meaning that soaks into places, symbols, objects; and immediately [...]

12 02, 2015

Grieving Non-Death Losses

By | 2015-02-12T09:06:37-08:00 February 12th, 2015|News, Perspective, Self-Help|8 Comments

Last year I attended a conference where the topic of a panel was the significance of grief connected to non-death losses. The researchers focused their sites on college campuses and found that many students were ranking break-ups, friendship changes, divorces and stress over poor grades as more painful than deaths they had experienced. This study was fascinating. Not only were these students connecting grief specifically to a non-death loss, they were saying that they were more significant than their prior experiences with death. Grief accompanies many, many experiences and nearly every change we encounter. We may experience grief when we [...]