About Molly Keating
Hello and welcome to From the Heart. My name is Molly and I have the great privilege of writing this monthly blog for O’Connor Mortuary. This wonderful work has brought together two of my deep passions, writing and grief education. In 2016 I earned my Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement and I hold a Masters degree in English Literature from Cal State Long Beach that I earned in 2011. I had the rare experience of growing up in a funeral home and having a father as a mortician, making my proximity to these topics, experiences, and ceremonies first-hand and life-long. It is an honor to share with you my thoughts, but most importantly, current academic thinking on taboo topics such as funerals, grief experiences, and the importance of having lasting, healing traditions.
Thank you for reading, my hope is that you find this an open place full of meaning and hope as you walk the road of grief.
Grief and the Need for Sacred Space
It seems impossible that 9/11 happened to us 18 years ago. EIGHTEEN years. To me, this is proof that time is in fact, not a healer, but a carrier. We are held and carried by time further and further away from the moment of anguish. I think this is as comforting as it is terrifying for a grieving person to comprehend. To move away from the day is to move away from "them". And while distractions, acceptance and changed habits slowly move us into less-pain-filled-space, our grief will remain and our wound stays tender when touched. Grief requires a sacred [...]
When Your Grief is Invisible: Infertility and the Grief Experience
This week is Infertility Awareness week. Infertility has an invisibility to it that few other griefs do. When someone dies, people notice. But what if there is no body to bury or no name to say? What if the loss is invisible? Infertility has both male and female victims and is a term applied to women who can get pregnant but not sustain the pregnancy. So the little lives that are lost to infertility either exist only briefly or in the hearts of the people seeking to create them. Let's face it, our society struggles enough to talk about tangible [...]
Seeing Signs: Love From Beyond the Grave
Ok, so this title may sound a little ... different - thanks for clicking anyway : ) Have you ever wished for a "sign"? I know I have. "If this is what I'm supposed to do, please give me a sign". We offer this thought to God or the universe and hope that something - anything divine will happen. Whenever we want a sign, what we really want is peace. After all, a "sign" represents supernatural reassurance that we are not alone or adrift. It is a divine symbol that brings reassurance and peace to your heart and mind. Many [...]
The BEST Sympathy Cards and What to Write in Them
The personal touch of a sympathy card is a warm and thoughtful way of continuing to reach out to someone you love. But so many of us are intimidated by any sort of expression of sympathy, worried we'll say the wrong thing or - a concern I've heard often - that we'll just be reminding them of their loss - AS IF they have forgotten! It's worthwhile, kind and thoughtful to reach out to people we know that are grieving. While many of us might text our sympathy these days, there is a lack of weight to the receipt of a text [...]
Gently “Tidying Up” After a Death: Using the KonMari Method
Perhaps you've seen the new show on Netflix, Tidying Up or you've heard of Marie Kondo and her philosophy of how to go through your home deciding what to keep and what to let go. In her "KonMari Method" she speaks about honing our sense of what brings us joy. So the idea is we hold an item in our hands and if it brings joy, keep it. If it doesn't, we thank it for what it gave to us, and we let it go. This isn't an easy task to take on. Perhaps some areas of your home or life [...]
It’s OK to be Sad at Christmas
If you are sad this Christmas, it is ok. We tend to feel that the holidays aren't a time for sadness. That we should magically "feel better" or at least pretend to be doing fine. And while around some people it may be easier or best to pretend, it is important that with ourselves and our trusted friends, we be honest. Share your sorrow with someone who also shares it. If a friend or family member has died this year, others are also missing them. Reach out, be a connection and remind them - affirm for yourself - no one [...]
Grieving Through the Holidays
Grieving Through the Holidays For so many families the holidays hold the promise of togetherness, familiarity, tradition and comfort. But for the grieving, every one of these words is shattered and opposed by new words like, apart, strange, broken and grieved. So what does this "grieving through the holidays" look like? Feel like? What are your expectations? Fears? Anxieties? Considering in advance what these holidays might be like for you can be one of the greatest helps to getting yourself through these days that feel emptied out of their usual joy. Here are some things to consider in preparation: [...]
Making New Memories from the Old (Up-cycling & Great Gift Ideas!)
One of the often unaddressed issues families face after a loved one dies, is what to keep and how to keep it? Often times we feel inclined to keep a LOT - sure we can donate some things or divvy them up amongst family - but the need to preserve and hold on is a part or phase of grieving for many people. Over time, as we begin to identify the items that hold the most meaning for us we can begin to alleviate ourselves of the less significant items. Eventually, these can be given away or donated without pain. [...]
How to Talk About Tough Things, Like Suicide
Last month a church in southern California lost their senior pastor to suicide. A friend of mine asked if I had heard about Inland Hills in passing and then said, "oh nevermind, it's too sad. I don't wan't want to think about it." My first thought was a scandal of some kind, and I didn't investigate. Then, another friend shared something on Instagram that grabbed my attention. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm9qbVNnTAB/?taken-by=inlandhills This stunned me. It is such a sad story. But it doesn't hide, mask, or mis-color what happened. The church did something it should always do; it told the truth. I have [...]
Living in Light of the Boundary of Death: A Story of Land and Water
I recently read a new book called, With the End in Mind where the author, Kathryn Mannix, described at the end how she moves through life with hope and openness despite her daily job of sitting by deathbeds. She spoke about dying in a way I had never heard before - not dramatically or fearfully or even calmly, her words held conviction and peace. At the end of her book she writes that death is a "mandated temporal boundary that makes time and relationships priceless." And she is comforted by that. She goes on to say, "Awareness of the temporary essence [...]